"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."
- Theodore Rubin
So, here's the problem (so to speak). Most of us tend to believe that having problems causes us to remain removed from a better life, one without problems. The problem is not our problems, but what we believe is a better life.
A life without problems is either death or the slippery slope on the way to it. Our bodies and our brains are both built to tackle problems, to face down challenges, to overcome difficulties on the road of life. We are built to struggle.
If we do not struggle with problems or some form of challenges, both physical and mental, on a regular basis, our abilities and our faculties atrophy and degrade until there isn't enough left of us to maintain our health.
Those who do not work all parts of their bodies regularly become achy, lame and weak in their old age or before. Those who do not exericse their brain regularly fall into senility. These are proven facts. For most of us, these failures of our physical and mental abilities in middle and old ages are preventable.
Our immune systems need a good workout, especially when we are young, to develop immunities against various diseases. Our immune systems are built t0 withstand many kinds of illness in childhood and early adulthood so that they will be strong as we get older. In other words, we are designed to get sick as children and adolescents. And to recover, building our immune system's defences as we do so.
Our emotional development is likewise designed for hurt as well as for joy. Those who do not experience much in the way of emotional hurt during their lives do not develop an equal scope for joy and happiness when it presents itself. Emotions are like a pendulum, they swing as far one way as the other. If development of emotions is hampered in one direction, it fails to develop much in the other. People who experience great tragedy and hurt also have the ability to experience joy far greater than those who have "sailed through life."
Don't curse your problems. They give you the opportunity to live life to the fullest, to experience happiness and fulfillment. Without them, your life would be relatively dull.
No one says you should enjoy your problems. That would be a psychological problem in itself. But you can face them with some degree of equanimity knowing that they will pass and happiness will be available to you in the future.
Bill Allin
Turning It Around: Causes and Cures for Today's Epidemic Social Problems, striving to put it all into perspective.
Learn more at http://billallin.com
Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
What Those Miserable People Don't Know
"You can be pleased with nothing when you are not pleased with yourself."
- Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
Most of us have wondered from time to time about people who never seem to be pleased with anything. To them, no one does a good job because "it's what you get paid for."
No one reaches high in their list of favourite or favoured people because everyone has too many faults or makes too many mistakes.
Sometimes these people can be happy only when they are drunk. But then, the ones who are "bad drunks" become abusers of others such as their own spouses.
Many will turn to various forms of addiction, be it drugs, gambling, prostitution, or even depression where they must be treated with legally prescribed drugs. Many of them remain smokers despite the dire health warnings. For them the world is simply not a happy place.
Some never watch the news on television because "it's all bad anyway." Others become news addicts, believing that by knowing more about the biased reporting of events put out by their favourite news sources, they are ahead of others at gatherings around the water cooler or the bar.
Lady Montagu said that they are simply not pleased with themselves, so they can't be pleased with others. That doesn't go far enough. It would be more accurate to say that they don't respect themselves and likely don't really like themselves. After all, who can like anyone who is always negative and that includes themselves?
Pessimists, if we want to call them that, seldom make it out of their depressive state as they age. A few manage through a religious epiphany. Others may be fortunate enough to find someone who cares enough about them to implement intervention strategies.
There's the answer. They need to believe that someone cares about them more than for what they can give to the others. Many times they have not found such people through the first few decades of their lives. The deficit likely began with their parents who thought that their parenting responsibilities were fulfilled when they provided food, clothing and shelter for their offspring.
You can make someone's life meaningful by caring. But be warned: it's not an easy project or one quickly accomplished. Remember, it took them many years to sink into the state they are in. No one can accomplish an attitude adjustment overnight.
But if you are successful, the rewards will be far greater than you could imagine unless you have experienced them.
Begin by listening to them. Give them your time and your attention. They will begin to like you for that reason alone. Then you can show you care in other ways because they will tell you about things that matter to them. You can change their lives.
Bill Allin
Turning It Around: Causes and Cures for Today's Epidemic Social Problems, striving to help you make the world a better place for at least one more person.
Learn more at http://billallin.com
- Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
Most of us have wondered from time to time about people who never seem to be pleased with anything. To them, no one does a good job because "it's what you get paid for."
No one reaches high in their list of favourite or favoured people because everyone has too many faults or makes too many mistakes.
Sometimes these people can be happy only when they are drunk. But then, the ones who are "bad drunks" become abusers of others such as their own spouses.
Many will turn to various forms of addiction, be it drugs, gambling, prostitution, or even depression where they must be treated with legally prescribed drugs. Many of them remain smokers despite the dire health warnings. For them the world is simply not a happy place.
Some never watch the news on television because "it's all bad anyway." Others become news addicts, believing that by knowing more about the biased reporting of events put out by their favourite news sources, they are ahead of others at gatherings around the water cooler or the bar.
Lady Montagu said that they are simply not pleased with themselves, so they can't be pleased with others. That doesn't go far enough. It would be more accurate to say that they don't respect themselves and likely don't really like themselves. After all, who can like anyone who is always negative and that includes themselves?
Pessimists, if we want to call them that, seldom make it out of their depressive state as they age. A few manage through a religious epiphany. Others may be fortunate enough to find someone who cares enough about them to implement intervention strategies.
There's the answer. They need to believe that someone cares about them more than for what they can give to the others. Many times they have not found such people through the first few decades of their lives. The deficit likely began with their parents who thought that their parenting responsibilities were fulfilled when they provided food, clothing and shelter for their offspring.
You can make someone's life meaningful by caring. But be warned: it's not an easy project or one quickly accomplished. Remember, it took them many years to sink into the state they are in. No one can accomplish an attitude adjustment overnight.
But if you are successful, the rewards will be far greater than you could imagine unless you have experienced them.
Begin by listening to them. Give them your time and your attention. They will begin to like you for that reason alone. Then you can show you care in other ways because they will tell you about things that matter to them. You can change their lives.
Bill Allin
Turning It Around: Causes and Cures for Today's Epidemic Social Problems, striving to help you make the world a better place for at least one more person.
Learn more at http://billallin.com
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